It was a very wet spring. Daily rains kept the land more than moist, creating slop and mud, deeper than usual and too dangerous to ride or do much at all with the horses. The coming of summer has been slow, but finally, this week it seems to have arrived.
Sleeping with the windows open I now hear the birds start up their song around 5:00 am, rousing me from my deep slumber, even when my joints are aching from the labor I had given the land the day before. Each day I begin with the song of species I have not heard before and with those who are my old friends. Laying flat on my back, with little Inkie snugged by my side, I begin my morning practice with my breath.
Close by I hear my horses letting out their breaths too, flushing out the night and preparing for the day to come. Just 50 feet away I am part of the herd, tuned into their movements during the summer days and nights.
I feel such sweetness in my being these days. Finally after 10 years of traveling internationally and working at so many venues, moving twice, and handling other challenging life situations, I find myself coming to a place that feels like nectar; sweeter and softer, less demanding, a blooming of a new way of being.
Yesterday was one of the BEST days I have had in a while. During the cool moments of the morning I rode my special dirty palomino paint mare Diva. It was a morning of celebration for me, a blooming of possibilities and an igniting of light within my soul.
Since I rolled my pick up truck on a snowy mountain pass in October of 2012 I have felt a great need to protect my body, brain, and personal space. After the accident I pulled myself into myself. Spending more time alone than I normally do, I refused invitations with friends to go out because the sounds in public places would retrigger a trauma response within me. In the years that followed, sleep became my best friend, and when not sleeping then quietly painting the house, tilling the gardens, and grooming the horses became my practice. Just keeping up with life, and a rapidly growing EFLC business was a struggle.
A rainy May moving into a sunny June feels like a birthing to me. Diva and I rode for the first time in over a month. Before that we had ridden a handful of times through the winter. Having not cantered her much due to my accident, yesterday felt like the right time. My mind was ready.
My hips and torso filled with swooshing energy after our first circle of cantering. We stopped and I allowed my full presence to be in my body watching with wonder and feeling the arousal of all of my nerves. Every cell in my body felt like it was dancing the jig, jumping over high bars, and plunging from the high dive. It felt like a mix of pure happiness, expansion, and release of the old. Breathing became essential.
Once my system calmed down Diva offered to move forward again. We walked, trotted, walked again and paused. Then we repeated this step and once again went into a canter. Three times we did this and each time I would pause after the canter to allow my body to move it’s energy. At the same time being very clear with Diva that she need not take on the energy for me—that is could simply move through to the heavens or down through our legs. She did a lot of licking and chewing while I focused on my breath.
Instead of getting greedy and pressing for more of this juicy experience, at the perfect time we ended. A nice stroll down the long driveway and back completed the ride. Spirit gave me a precious gift when beautiful Diva came into my life.
Back home we went where I spent the rest of the day in hard labor and ranch chores. The hottest day yet for the year 2015, by 5:00 I was done. Then an invitation came to go paddle boarding on the nearby lake. I almost fell back into my old pattern of saying “no.” Instead, Inkie and I packed up the truck and went to the lake.
It was dusk and the water was a delightful break from the hot land. Inkie rode at the front of the board and eventually the sunny skies turned pink. My body loved the movement of paddling on the calm cool water.
Driving down the hill as the day transitioned to night a deep orange full moon was moving upward. In a nearby pasture six little fillies, all different colors, cantered around in glee while the parents kept their heads down in the grass.
As I continued home I realized that I was not just heading back to the home on the physical plane, but indeed I had “come home” on an energetic level. A storm called life had cleared and calm waters are now here. I no longer need to protect myself. I can say “yes” to life. I can trust and enjoy a canter. Life can go smoothly. I am blessed.
What a wonder this thing is that we get to experience as spiritual beings, this thing we call life. How deeply blessed I feel to be ALIVE!
What challenging life experiences have you recently been through?
How have you celebrated your transitions?
What is in front of you that brings you joy, connection, expansion or trust?
How has mother earth or her four legged creatures aided you in transition?
How alive do you feel now?
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