Many years ago, when I was in my forties, I was having coffee with my mother. Without warning, she looked at me and asked:
“What does it feel like to be an old maid?”
I remember being stunned. The question landed like a stone in my chest. I did everything I could to keep from crying. You see, I had never imagined my life unfolding the way it did.
Like many women, I imagined sharing life with someone special. I imagined walking hand in hand through fields with dogs chasing around. Sharing home-cooked meals. Building a beautiful home. Growing older beside someone who knew my heart and whose heart I knew in return. I imagined being witnessed. And witnessing another.
When my mother asked that question, she unknowingly touched a place that still carried grief. Not because there was something wrong with my life. But because there was a life I thought I would have that never arrived.
Over the years, I have returned to that moment many times. Not with anger. Not even with regret. But with curiosity. Because while one love story did not unfold, another one did. It simply looked different than I expected.
For much of my life, I have walked beside horses. They have been my companions, my teachers, my mirrors, and my guides. Together we have explored healing, consciousness, intuition, presence, grief, joy, and what it means to be fully alive.
When I look back across the decades, I realize I have never truly walked alone.
Animals have accompanied me. Nature has accompanied me. Friendships have accompanied me. The mountains have accompanied me. The horses have accompanied me.
Most of all, purpose has accompanied me.
The work of helping people see horses differently. The work of helping people see themselves differently. The work of supporting healing, awareness, and transformation. This is what I have devoted my life to. This is what I have loved.
There are still moments when I wonder what it would have been like to share life with a partner. There are still times when I see an older couple walking hand in hand and feel a quiet ache. I do not deny that. It is part of being human. Yet I have also come to understand something that I could not see when I was younger.
Love does not arrive through only one doorway.
Sometimes love arrives through a spouse. Sometimes through children. Sometimes through friendship. Sometimes through a calling so powerful that it shapes an entire life. Sometimes through a horse who quietly lowers his head into your chest and reminds you that you belong.
The culture around us often tells a narrow story about love. It suggests that if we do not experience love in one particular form, we have somehow missed out.
But I no longer believe that.
I believe there are many ways to live a meaningful life. Many ways to love. Many ways to belong. Many ways to be deeply connected.
My life has not always been easy. There have been disappointments. Losses. Rejections. Dreams that never came to pass.
Yet there has also been extraordinary beauty.
There have been horses. There has been purpose. There has been wonder. There has been the privilege of witnessing thousands of people reconnect with themselves through the wisdom of horses.
There has been love. Not always in the form I expected. Not always in the form I longed for. But love nonetheless.
If you, too, carry a dream that never unfolded, I hope you will be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to honor what was longed for. But do not overlook what has already found you.
Life is rarely the story we imagined. Sometimes it becomes something entirely different. And occasionally, if we are willing to look with open eyes and an open heart, we discover that what arrived was beautiful in ways we never anticipated.
Perhaps the question is not whether we were loved. Perhaps the question is whether we recognize the many forms in which love has already appeared.
As I sit beside my horses today, I know this much:
I have loved.
I have been loved.
And that is a story worth honoring.
Reflection Questions
Is there a dream, relationship, or life path that did not unfold as you expected? Looking back now, what has that experience taught you about yourself and your journey?
When you reflect on your life, who—or what—has consistently walked beside you, supported you, and helped shape the person you have become?
Have you ever discovered that love, companionship, or belonging arrived through a different doorway than the one you were expecting? What form did it take?
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